Nasty, Brutish, and not Short enough |
| Reviewed By: Cruise-Missile, WIMBORNE on 31st Aug 2008 |
| Cruise Line: MSC Cruises |
Times cruised before: 1-2 |
| Cruise Ship: MSC Armonia |
Sailed:
August,
2008 |
| Destination: Northern Europe |
Age: 46-55 |
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Boarding/Security The cruise got off to a flying start when the boarding clerk clipped the corner off my cruise credit card meaning that I could not buy alcohol. She didn’t clip the corner off my daughter’s card (she is 14 years old) meaning that she could buy alcohol! I didn’t notice for a week until I tried to buy a beer in the bar. Luckily my daughter had no inclination to buy alcohol.
On board security more concerned with preventing passengers bringing their own alcohol on board. Not surprising when an indifferent bottle of wine with dinner costs 25 Euros, and a large beer 5.70 Euros. We have recently been on other cruises and alcohol has never been as expensive as on MSC. If they dropped their prices then turnover would increase and MSC would make more profit!
Lifeboat drill (on second day, why not the first?), chaotic with no info as to what to do after assembly at muster stations. Staff concerned mainly with placing passengers in neat rows, to provide photo opportunities for ships photographer who was not wearing a life jacket. On other cruise lines one was asked not to put on lifejacket until reaching the muster station as it was considered dangerous to use the stairs whilst wearing one as you cannot see where you are stepping. Noticed several people having difficulties as a result of wearing life jacket whilst descending stairs and staff just stood and looked and offered no help.
Currency exchange unavailable, despite pre booking assurances that it would be.
Photographers total menace in restaurant.
I had no problem with handing in passports for copying before St Petersburg visit. Handing in was chaotic, with no one registering them. This anomaly solved in same room but out of sight of clerks, by a steward asking for cruise card. Why – to register handing in card. He didn’t see me hand them in but was quite happy to register it. Next day, I found they had temporarily mislaid the passports!
Quality of Food Food generally cold, and unimaginative, identical menus being produced most days at the lunch buffet. Marco Polo restaurant specialised in Italian cuisine, Found pasta overcooked, risotto boiled to the consistency and colour of vomit. Delicious cheeses such as Gorgonzola, and Dolcellatta unavailable, just 3 types of tasteless yellow cheese, which we named ‘Mouse trap, Rat trap, and Clap trap. Luckily our British dining companions were excellent company in ‘Marco Polo’ restaurant. Found MSC decision to put pepper in salt pots, and salt in pepper pots bizarre. On last night, Baked Alaska ice cream was marched in to accompaniment of opera (great), and Italian diners waving white napkins in the air. Don’t mention the war! Tinned Mushrooms served for breakfast unacceptable, so breakfast items being so far to back of counter that burns were likely stretching for them. Coffee and Tea either unavailable at meal times, or foul tasing, to encourage passengers to buy drinks from bars.
Hygiene Waiters had interesting method of dealing with crumbs on table – they used a brush to sweep the detritus off the table, not into a pan, but onto the floor, or our laps. By the end of the voyage there was probably enough food in the carpet to make soup. On several occasions saw food service counters being wiped down with floor cloths. Pool staff content to allow passengers to smoke and simulate sex in the jacuzzi. Yes, you heard it here first.
Entertainment Nightly programme (just 30 minutes) of dancers and contortionist. There are only so many things a dancer can do, just as they stopped making Westerns when they realised there are only so many ways to crash a horse! Three were 3 brilliant classical musicians, Giovanni CUCUCCIO, Tenor, Ion CIPILENCU, Violin and Ion PEREPELICNAI, Piano, who provided the cultural highlight of the cruise. If there are any impresarios reading this, tell them that these guys deserve better than being cast adrift on the ocean of mediocrity that is MSC Armonia. Give them a contract!
Excursions/Port Visits Visit to St Petersburg was excellent, excursion guide was entertaining and knowledgable (her name was Lilliya and wothy of high praise) Lunch in Russian restaurant turned out to be the culinary highlight of the cruise. Other port visits generally too short by comparison with other ships. MSC Armonia ship being docked as far away as possible from Copenhagen (to save fees?). Visit to Visby marred by organised chaos on ships tenders (2 in use), losing 2 hours of a six hour visit.
Staff. Steward kept cabin very clean and tidy, but had unusual talents for folding night attire into strange shapes, leading us to hide them. Restaurant Waiting staff were charming, but inept. Not their fault, this was a problem of training and poor supervision by Italian Restaurant Managers, as no attempt was made to correct the problems. All meals served with a generous side order of charming incompetence. Lunch waiter in La Pergola had distinct personal hygiene problem, we christened him the ‘Vulgar Bulgar’.
Tipping I find the industry wide practice of automatically charging tips to bills unacceptable. Many people only tip where it is deserved. In this case, it was not deserved so I did not tip. What a shame that MSC had to be told 3 times by me to cancel the tip charges.
Children’s activities/onboard activities. Generally poor, badly organised, with climbing wall being inexplicably unavailable. It was advertised, pre booking, and could be an influence on decision to book. The two pools were freezing and had sea water pumped in. The colour was so disgusting that only a few people ventured in. It just looked very discoloured and dirty. Hence, jacuzzis were always full as only warm place to sit. Italians seems to take delight in ousting the kids or making them feel very uncomfy in jacuzzi by lighting cigarettes and blowing smoke in kids faces and also carrying out extreme sexual advances towards their partners!
Overall Rating. Like a curate’s egg, good in parts, but generally poor. I refused to fill in the customer survey having heard from my contact on the lower decks that a rating of ‘Poor’ for staff would result in a written warning, possibly leading to dismissal. Problems with the staff are solely due to lack of training and supervision. In summary, the cruise was Nasty, Brutish and not Short enough. I would only visit this ship again as a Torpedo or a KamiKaze pilotl
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| Quality of Food |  |
| Not good, see review | | Entertainment | |
| Least, the dancers, most, the tenor, violinist and pianist. See review | | Shore Excursions |  |
| St Petersburg | | Staff |  |
| | Children's Facilities | |
| Awful, see review | | Onboard Activities | |
| No | | Cabins | |
| | Overall Rating | |
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